My Heart Is Coming With Me

Invitations
Flowers
Rings
Cake
Dresses
Tuxes

The list is endless.
Weddings are a very expensive pain in the you-know-what.
I've worried.
I've stressed.
I've cried.
Over one day in my life that will, no matter how many years go by,be the day that I marry Justin Haynes. It's a lot of hype and work for just one day. That's why some people choose not to do it, I suppose. It's one of those things that's hard to explain; kind of like parenthood. It's a lot of work but it's rewarding in an indescribable kind of way. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this whole marriage thing and well, frankly, it's very overwhelming. I'm no stranger to marriage. I know how hard it is and I know, to a certain extent, the kind of struggles that arise in a very short amount of time.

I'm also at a time in my life where I have friends who are married, but there are a few of those friends who are in less-permanent relationships, or are involved in relationships they wish they weren't or are still agonizing over the pain of losing their love. It's a hard, transitional part of life to be in. I didn't really think much into it until that one transitional moment, we've all had it, where we (the women) think to ourselves "Why do I want to marry him?"

Several years ago when I was asked that question, I had no answer but I played it off. I figured I wanted to marry him because I loved him and it was that simple. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose because if I knew then what I know now, my decision would have been the opposite. When I asked myself that pivotal question, I had an answer so overwhelming it was hard to sort out.

I want to marry him because I love him.---that was my simple answer.
--Here's where it gets much more wordy--
I love him because.....and as I started to finish that sentence I realized I wanted him to marry him for one simple reason but that simple reason became much more complicated when I broke it down and it's the only "complicated" I've ever felt that made me feel good.

Can I live without him?--yes. Do I want to?--not ever
Can I picture my life without him?--yes. Can I picture my future without him?--not ever
Will I shatter into a million pieces if he's ever taken from me?--yes. Will anyone be able to pick them back and put them together?--not ever.
Is there anyone who will ever try to come between us?--yes. Will they succeed?--not ever.
Do we have a lot of growing to do?--yes Will we do it together?--yes
Am I ready?--yes Will I ever look back?--no

Confidence.
Support.
Faith.

Three things me, my family, him and his family and God helped me rebuild over the last few years.
It wasn't an easy process but we did it.

When I put on that white and purple dress and take my dad's arm it's gonna feel like the first time I've ever been walked down the isle because this time....my heart is coming with me.